I’ve have been writing out my crazy journey as a shy Christian girl who is growing up and moving out of confusion and into confidence in regards to understanding sexuality God’s way.
If you are new to this series, right now you are either very frightened or very curious. Probably some of both;) I hope you’ll keep reading, you will be surprised, as I have been, to learn more of what it means to embrace sex from God’s perspective and learn to live it in His bounds and for His Glory.
So, have you heard of the ‘Harried Housewife’? She can be found the world over with her wispy hairs flying out of that all-too-easy ponytail. She’s got a spatula in one hand and a broom in the other, children hanging on her knees, something (possibly burning) in the oven and we won’t even talk about the laundry. She may be prone to screech if one more person needs one more thing.
She is most definitely tired. She is most definitely beautiful in her messy glory.
She is longing for a Home that she doesn’t have to clean or cook for or keep track of all of her children’s and (possibly;) husband’s things. But she is also longing for a Home where she feels free to sit and look in the eyes of those she loves, to share life and story, without time constraints.
If you are a mother who has sought to balance home and child-raising, marriage and ministry, 24 pitifully short hours in a day, then you know this sweet woman quite well. She is you and she is me. No matter how many people look at our lives and see competence, beauty, even dare I say? a woman who has it all-together, we know the truth.
And where on earth is there the space for this woman to cultivate pure passion towards God or hubby? (I really am going to tie it together;)
These past 3 months have spun me right around into a woman who doesn’t know, sometimes, which end is up. We’ve traveled thousands of miles over an ocean and back again with a 6, 4 and 1 year-old. Our necks are crinkled from trying to fit the shapes of too many beds. And right now we’re in the thick of the English Camp we help to organize.
My brain, between packing for us all, planning camp-wide programs, sharing the Gospel in words and life through all times of the day with 100+ Hungarian teenagers… is spinning.
And before this greater understanding of Pure Passion and its expression through sex in marriage dawned in my life, I would have preferred that sex, in its duty-bound state, come to a screeching halt during travel, because it is just-too-much to think about…
But, God revealed through flesh, full of Grace and Truth, is showing me a better way, in the here-and-now of my humanity.
He is taking me, in all things, from harried, which the Free Dictionary describes as “troubled persistently especially with petty annoyances;” to Home, which I will simply say means (to me) the peace and promise of God's Arms and Enveloping Love Forever.
At first, that definition of harried rubs me the wrong way. I don’t think it’s fair to say the Harried Housewife who-I-know-so-well is getting worked up ONLY over petty annoyances. The troubles are real. The burdens of so many moments of demands are exhausting and she feels abandoned, like no one cares about her genuine sacrifices.
And these feelings of isolation that Thief wants to use to push her, let’s just say us, towards self-focused paths of resentment and bitterness. And all of this destroys intimacy and kills desire erecting walls that cut us off from God and most definitely our husbands.
Yet truth is truth and it is full of Grace that restlessly pursues. The truth is that God calls it all, this whole mess of a fallen world and its vast effect on our lives, light and momentary trouble.
How can God say that and not be callous?
Because we ARE going Home.
This eternal glory that far outweighs (it) all is real, and meant to be our vision as it overwhelms all the places of fear, anxiety, doubt and weariness that can undo us.
And knowing we are walking towards a glory far beyond imagining, a love beyond description and life-as-it-is-meant-to-be without end has EVERYTHING to do with our approach to sexual intimacy in marriage.
Let me be practical. As I said, we are traveling and have been away from our home (in Budapest;) for three months now. I can so easily be weighed down with a disordered life of chaos that when finally (10 or 11pm?) ministry is done, kids are in bed and asleep, I resentfully choose to fold laundry or sweep the floor, or plan a camp activity instead of being with my hubby.
When I choose the momentary trouble of physical exhaustion and work left undone, I live like the things of this life are what matters and I become tired and angry.
But, the better way? It remembers I am going Home and there is beauty, incredible beauty, promised through sexual intimacy that points towards face to face with Jesus and Heaven. And, will I choose this?
This better way, too, is infused with hope. Sex, pleasure, or even God-honoring intimacy with my husband is not the goal. God is the goal. At the core, I am choosing Him.
So, peeling back another layer, in our nomadic lives these past months, the reality has been very hard to make space for all levels of intimacy. But, it is sweet too, to see beyond our mutual disappointment in this.
My hubby and I are being changed individually and as a couple. There is great hope and understanding between us. We make plans in hope that we can find time for each other; to enjoy each other in every way.
But, when the needs of family or this incredibly precious month-long English Camp are the choices we are asked to make? Our hope is not lessened, it is increased. Because all the goodness of sex points towards Heaven and so do many other things.
So, we rejoice in hope, and the twinkle stays in our eyes and the intimate moments still happen whether they lead to sex or not. Soon we won’t be traveling, we’ll be home, and things will be different.
Soon we won’t be in this life, and it will ALL be different.
We are going Home and that changes everything…
(I *hope* you know that I am writing these words, preaching to myself. We are home now, from Camp, and there is no doubt I have lived more harried then home, but it. is. ALL. still. true.)
Read the entire Pure Passion Series here!
Joining Kelli @ Unforced Rhythms, Jen @ SDGSisterhood, Laura @ Playdates with God and Jennifer @ #TellHisStory