Thursday, May 15, 2014

Pure Passion :: From Need-to-Control to Letting Go

Welcome to the Pure Passion Series!

It's where I open up about my journey. My will-always-be-a-journey-this-side-of-Heaven journey regarding sex and sexuality. I am so thankful to walk with other brave women who are learning, like me, to trust in new ways. Learning to let go.

I couldn't really continue without weaving in some of this much-parodied and much-adored-by-little-girls-and-more song ::

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry

image from the Disney Wiki

I won't try to make this song more or less than it is. But, it is catchy and lots of little girls are singing it. I am singing it. My kids had never even heard of 'Frozen' until the plane ride to America in early April. They have since watched it a 'few' times and I have only gotten most of it one time. Yet, we all can get this song stuck in our heads.

There's something there besides a song that spreads like wild fire. 

It's the struggle and the want to 'Let it Go.'

It's very hard for any of us to do. 

For the want-to-be-responsible-and-do-things-right good girl {or boy} in any of us, it seems like a bad thing. And yet, we so very much want to just. let. go.

We can blame this struggle on the stress and demands of a First World, competitive life. But, if you are like me, you know that it is much more than that.

Last time I talked about our fears and how they profoundly affect sex. Hand-in-hand with fear comes the need-for-control.

Our fears of letting go and what will happen if we do make us grasp desperately for control. I've seen this happen in my life ever since I first knew fear. That fear makes me choose situations I can understand or which are considered safe.

But, any control I think I have is just an illusion. I know that's true and yet, still, I seek to control. As I walk that tentative journey between fear and faith; the more steps I take in faith, the deeper potential for fear. The more I learn to trust, the greater the flailing for support/predictability/comfort when I stumble.

This struggle has been present in all seasons. As a single person. Even more as a wife. Then a mother once, twice, now three times. But also, living in another culture.

I am sure no one in their right minds would have thought going from 2 to 3 children six months into an international move was a good idea. I can say first hand it was an exceedingly humbling thing to do. So many layers of stability were gone. I was so desperate for control. Some allusive sense of normalcy.

But the more I fought to control, the less I knew that I ever could control...anything. And yes, it affected me in every area of my life.

You see, this journey to a deeper understanding of pure passion; of learning to live wild and full inside and outside the bedroom, is all connected. I can't live wound up, desiring control during the day in driving kids to school, taking care of a toddler, cooking dinner, speaking a new HARD language and then expect to let it all go for sex when it's time for...that.

It's the beauty and complexity of how God made women. He made us to see the whole picture. For me, this practically means, that I make the lists for our many travels, the menu's for dinner, the general running of the household, the ministry schedule, etc. It also means that I am carrying my emotions through much of life. It is rarely one thing that makes me lose my temper or one thing that brings me joy. It's a culmination of many things.

This is a hilarious video that illustrates just that ::


So also, sex is a beautifully complex culmination of many things for a woman. And the pleasure of sex is bound up in our ability to let go. I don't think it's by accident that God made it that way.

I knew that I was held back in my relationship with God when I was seeking to control. What I didn't know is that God intends for me to learn how to let go so I can draw closer to Him through the amazing playground of sex in marriage. 

Wow. Just Wow. {I'll be talking more about all of this in the coming weeks, so, stay tuned!}

Next Time :: Pure Passion :: From Hollow to Whole


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