Friday, February 22, 2013

Five Minute Friday :: What Mama Did

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I can still remember that morning that she taught me how to make my bed with ‘hospital corners.’  In the neat tuck in of a sheet that hundreds of times her beloved hands did in those years of nursing at a busy city hospital.

I don’t know why it is one of the clearest memories of her, but I know that I cherish it more with each passing day.  That lesson only manifested itself in a very seldom at best habit of making my bed all through school and college and living on my own…even in the first few years of marriage.

But now.  Now.  I can’t seem to live without it.  This making of beds and tucking in tight the corners of our lives.  Whether the beautiful bed my husband and I share that houses the memories of many cuddles with little ones in its king-sized span or the making and arranging of their little beds complete with a folded blanket and the lining up of ‘friends’.

Whenever I do this beloved act, this making of beds that now, without a mama here in this world speaks through the years of days of faithful loving that lined the first 28 years of my life, I remember her.  The oh so many, many little things that spoke of that love, of tucking in the corners of my bed, my home, my growing-up-world.  Even in the darkest years I know I returned from a long day of school or sports or a semester at school and there would be that bed with hospital corners made with love.

How can the mundane become so sacred? I can only pray and plead with deepest heart that the years that span the lives of my little ones will hold beloved, love-filled memories of loved tucked in close hospital-corner style.

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Friday, February 15, 2013

Five Minute Friday :: Beloved

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Beloved is…Beloved lives.  I want to walk these days and sing and dance with the Song of the Abba Father in His Infinite Joy as it lilts over and down and in and through me.  I want to know of His infinitely tender gaze that my own heart-bursting one can’t even begin to match when I cup the faces of the 3 precious little ones that I have been given.

I look into their beloved faces and I think that there could never, ever be a love like this for me.  But, there is, there is, oh how this beloved one wants to live like the beloved she is.

The tender heart of the eternal God who is powerful in ways that spoke the world into existence and holds it all together with his pinky finger and sets the stars so high above my head and in that billionth galaxy away from ours too…truly, truly to live like the beloved of His he declares me to be.

There would be a lot of things different for me, I know.  That twinkle that no amount of self-doubt could wipe away or the seemingly mundane could dull…that minute to minute, moment to moment wonder as the Beloved Father fills my life to overflowing with His gifts…

with tender smiles

and with satisfied coo’s

and with jumping boy joys

and with the knowledge tucked deep and secure that this Beauty, this Love and it's overwhelmingly true fulfillment has only just begun.

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faith filled friday


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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

when hope dawns :: a mother’s conversation with her daughter

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Last night, as I was about to sing to my daughter before bed, she said “Did Mommy’s mommy go up into Heaven?” At first I thought she was talking about Jesus going up into Heaven as that is what my husband was reading to her from the Jesus Bible Storybook before bed.  Then she made sure I understood it was ‘Mommy’s mommy’ that she was talking about. 

And I said, “Yes, honey, that’s right.  Mommy’s mommy did go up into heaven.  And do you know what her name was?” Inquisitive, expectant eyes met my own in the night light glow.  “Her name was Susie, just like you.  You are named for her.”  We have already talked about this, but I look forward to it meaning more as time goes on.  Joy lit her face and she said “She and I have the same name?” and I said “yes, honey, that’s right and if she were here you would see that she absolutely adores you like your Mimi {daddy’s mommy} does.”

And I had the thought.  The one that has determinedly inserted itself into my ponderings of life and death, earth and heaven, here-and-now and eternity.  There is that hope, that belief in the grace and goodness of God, that though my mom has gone up to heaven, she can see me, my kids, our lives.  Somehow.  Some way.

The best evidence that I have of this from the Bible is that beloved reminder that our race here, the journey Home, is cheered on by a ‘great cloud of witnesses’ who have gone before.  And I have nestled that deep within my heart and allowed my imagination to give birth to a creative hope.

I know that time is not a commodity of Heaven or of God.  Time as we know it in this life has no meaning when we cross into eternity and somehow all that is good and beautiful of this life becomes forever a part of Heaven.  Therefore those who are ‘absent from the body and present with the Lord’ experience that timeless place of all good things.

So when I think of my dear mama somehow seeing me in these stages of life which have included, courtship, nearly 10 years of marriage, the birth of three children and the sojourn to another land it is the dawn of hope. 

It is the hope that death is not the end but the very true beginning of something new, deeper and infinitely better. 

It is the hope that all that makes eternity possible for the believer, namely the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ—the embodiment of the heart of God—is truest of true. 

It is the hope that no good thing is ever truly lost only flown away to an eternally secure place in the hands, heart and home of God.

And it is this hope that guides me closer to the God who has given me the firstfruits of His Spirit that causes me to groan inwardly as I wait eagerly for that full redemption of this body.  It is the dearest thing that I still share with my beloved mama—that though she has gone before, we will experience together the culmination of all things, the return of Our Savior, the last vanquishing of Satan and death, and ALL OF CREATION being set free.  It is a hope that cannot be seen with human eyes, for that is not truly hope.  And since it cannot be seen with human eyes we await it with patience…a gleam in our eyes that hints to a blessed and perfect secret.

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SoliDeoGloria

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Friday, February 1, 2013

Five Minute Friday :: Afraid

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‘Much Afraid’ I could have called myself long ago.  It seems like what is new has always left me full of fear and aching longing to be free.  Forever free of these fears and dancing in those fields of joy.

I am tired, so tired, of being afraid and of poking my head through the darkness and seeing the world awash with sun and life and hope and promise and…

Oh to leave the darkness and the fears forever behind…once and for all.  There is a longing within me an anguished cry of the beggar for Home for forever in His arms with no possibility of ever leaving the sunshine of His face.

And as I sit here, knowing that that afraid me is crouching close behind the courage for new steps, new friendships, new things in this new day, I long for that afraid me to be so far behind that she can’t in an instant pop up and take over courage and stepping out and following Him with all of my heart.

I don’t know how to lose her…I don’t know and I want to know…it seems for so long that it has been my greatest desire for myself to vanquish this less-than-me, me…

I don’t know save to look to Him, to the Glory of a Savior whose power has bought back every one of those fears that have scattered like petals this life’s journey…

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faith filled friday


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