Friday, August 31, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Change

14 (1 of 1)

Hmmm…do I know anything about this topic?

On the outside yes, it’s all been change.  Lives in fluid motion transitioning to this and the next and always it seems like the big things.  Kids are so little and yet their young lives have been defined by change.  When I have a cat nap and wake up disoriented, not knowing where I am {I mean which country sometimes…} I am overwhelmed by these molding contours of change.

And yet sometimes I think that I don’t know a thing about change.

I see the same fears rise the anxieties I’ve battled a million times and I think, am I still here?  Did I go through all of this external change only to stay right where I am?  How is it so hard for me to trust when I’ve seen a good and faithful God provide and care for every step of the way?

And all I can do is sigh and wail that inward cry.  The one that the orphan screams in the cold, dark, night feeling abandoned by all.  I shiver as though I am on the water’s edge overwhelmed by that wind off that swiftly moving stream.  And I am holding onto a strength that will fail me every time.

So I pray the prayer of the desperate heart who does NOT want to have ‘the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry Abba Father’.

And I always want this change…the deep full abiding into the one I am created to be.  Abba-loved, embraced, secure…oh how I long to {dwell} secure this year, this season, this life…all of the raw, the weary, the hardened, the frightened, the child lost…when Home is just an open door away with a warm fire and all of the LOVE that will change, transform, me from ‘one degree of Glory to another’…

Sharing this a-little-more-than-5-minute post with a song that I found last year and love…



faith filled friday


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 3}

Speakout and Kelsey, city, etc 050

There’s been a gentle breeze, the still quiet voice, that remains full of power to uproot the mountains of my heart and life.

And I am learning to embrace a Love that casts out fear, defined by grace, that is wooing me ever into the enfolding, assuring, never-changing embrace of the Abba Father.

Like a beacon of light against the raging seas of failure and inadequacy and the raw emotions of a life stripped and broken, I cling to the next golden thread with all that I have and am, knowing as rock solid truth, this ::

Grace passionately pursues the beloved.

This like the second golden thread came through the amazing teaching that high school and university students receive who commit their lives for a summer at Speakout English Camps here in Hungary.  {see why we recommend this amazing opportunity to anyone that we can??!!}

When my heart grabbed a hold of this thread and it began to drive away the darkness of the inner places, it was sweet water cascading down the folds of my own deepest understanding of need.  Like a light that illumined, well, everything, I came to understand in a deep, abiding, transforming way the nature of this gracious pursuit.

It is true that Grace kisses our faces with the sunshine of God’s love in gentle, affirming ways.  We are able to let go of lists and all of the failures of inadequacy and unproductivity and know, simply, that we are loved.  I love this Grace, and I need this assurance many times each day.

BUT, the passionate pursuit of Grace is one that comes hand-in-hand with the deep, hard things.  It is there when we realize that the clinging nature of our sin is insidious in ways that break our hearts on the face of them.  And, what is transforming me is to know…

The Grace that pursues shows the strength of its passion exactly here, when our awareness of the true wages of sin are at their height.

The Thief who comes to kill and destroy wants us to wallow in the mire of the yuck and slimy, muddy, putrid stuff of our flesh, BUT GRACE is speaking loudest here, saying,

“Come, My Precious Child, and know that I have already been here.  I knew the depth of your sin, and I loved you still.

I was moved to the ultimate sacrifice because of the pain I know it causes your soul, your spirit that I created to have perfect fellowship with Me. 

Accept that I have pursued you to this dark place NEVER to leave you here, but to pour upon your thirsty soul the drink of My Own Unparalleled, Exquisite Grace.

I will pursue you like this always and ever with the singular purpose of supplying your deepest needs for the Love only I can give.  A Love that sees and embraces you as you are and pours in you that which is making you like my own Dear Son…one day it will all be complete. 

Until then, I chase after you to the deepest places where this sin sick world has touched you and caused you to suffer so…

I meet you there to heal with My Grace. My Heart. My Abba Anointing Love.”





Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 2}

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in
Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
 ~I Corinthians 1:26-31

I have become convinced of one thing through this journey overseas.

God doesn’t NEED anything…He especially doesn’t NEED ME TO DO ANYTHING. His eternal purposes are not based on my capabilities or performance. Nothing could be further from the truth.

And so the beautiful underside of this is really what’s at the heart of His leading in my/our life calling us to this unique and thrilling adventure with Him. And that beauty is that He has graciously pursued us with a fierceness toward one end :: that we would know Him and in so doing make Him known.

This knowing is a deepening thing that does not hinge upon modules of theological truths {though these are good and right things to pursue}, but on this golden thread ::
Brokenness and Faith are fully intertwined.

If I want to truly know Him, I must walk a broken way. The degree to which I embrace my weakness as the pathway to a faith in who He is is the degree to which I will truly come to know Him.

This knowledge is rich and transforming but it is also messy and not easily acquired. There is no jumping over the walls of my own insufficiency. There is no hiding behind what is comfortable or easy if I truly want to enter and dwell in His heart. Because of all that this world counts as dear, the attainment of success and things tangible in the eyes of others, I can only come to Him through failure and inadequacy.

It’s not the first time that I have clung to this golden thread. The driven, over-achieving perfectionist came to the end of herself 20 years ago. And that end, I am learning, learning, learning is one that never goes away, instead it is woven throughout every meaningful step I walk towards Him, towards Jesus, my Savior, and towards a Home where He is ALL THE GLORY forevermore.

And so I am thankful. I am thankful for the hysterics in the car when I yell at, er, to my husband ‘I CAN’T DO IT!!!’ Meaning learning how to drive a stick shift well AND here, in this new place. I am thankful for the dizzy mind fog in the gigantic grocery store when my brain is clearly telling me I’ve had enough, for the sweat pouring in the furious grocery bagging in this bagger-less place;) I am thankful for the craziness of indefinite and definite verb endings {which have nothing to do with tense, btw} that are just ONE of the confounding intricacies of the Hungarian language…

And why am I thankful for all of these and more??

Because in them I am broken. In them I pray for strength and put my faith, not in myself, but in the God who is drawing me to Himself through His higher ways that look to forever and perfect relationship and wean me from the fierce independence that is the fuel of this world.

So this is the stuff of a life where I need…I need Him and others. This is the life that my heart of hearts cries out for and so I grasp this silken golden thread of a faith-filled brokenness and I purpose to never let go…

Linking with Laura, Jen & Michelle :) 


Friday, August 10, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Connect…

The Buda Castle by night walking along the Danube river.  Can you believe I walked this way just a few nights ago with my pregnant belly and a sweet young friend by my side? And a few days before I walked this way with my hubby as we talked of life and love and this great adventure?

Come any time and we’ll walk and have a heart to heart during a city night.Smile



In this season where the in-between continues its ebbs and flows, I am so thankful to know in the stuff and guts of me the true Connection of all that will last…forever.

I think of the family that I’ve left behind, of the hurts and heartaches that are touching them in these days and I know that there is little I can do.  I cannot be there.  I cannot ‘fix’ it, though, I never could even if I were right there.  Somehow, the impossibilities brought on by the thousands of miles of our separation, now, bring into view the only One

who can


and change

and bind up the wounds

and touch the secret places

and in some


mystical way

connect our hearts

not for now in the

ways we often think

but for eternity.

I am learning to trust a Spirit who searches hearts knowing them, knowing the heart of God.  He it is he who breaths life in the spaces of emptiness and loneliness and fear and all of the limitations of frail humanity.

It is He who connects the fibers of our souls, brings our own wholeness and that connection that is beyond the words and the distance that limit the time and space of this world.

And it is He who is at work in a billion intricacies and who I can trust to bring together all of the loose pieces into something only the eyes of Heaven can behold.



faith filled friday


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