Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 1}

jjandsusie

{The kids at the closing banquet for SpeakoutSmileHungarians & Americans commented on how friendly and caring our kids are…they had their own ministry with everyone…mama&daddy are so blessedSmile}

Dear Friends, Family, Faithful Readers,

I hope you find your way back to this place.  Not because I want a lot of ‘traffic’ here, but because the LORD has kept me blogging/writing as a means of preserving me and, as an extra gift, has shown me how that invitation into my own inward journey can and does bless the lives of others.  My hope is that your finding your way back here will bless you, namely, with a deeper understanding of the heart of God.

It is a little less than 3 months since we moved to Hungary.  So much has happened in the way of acclimating to all things necessary for living adequately in this foreign land.  We have found and moved into our own ‘home’ and it is a true gift.  I have had several appointments with the doctor who will guide me and baby through the rest of the pregnancy here.  We have been living away from Budapest, in Keszthely, for the last few weeks as we have re-launched into ministry with Hungarian teenagers, participating in our 4th Speakout English Camp!

In less than a week we will return ‘home’ to Budapest and complete processes that we have begun, like obtaining our residence permits/visas, enrolling the kids in ‘ovoda’ or pre-school, designing our own language study program and beginning it {this is our full-time job for the next 2 years!}, preparing for the arrival of a baby {which has included potty-training and transitioning to a bed for #2 all in the midst of travel…yes, pretty crazyWinking smile}, and completing our own overall settling into our home.  Oh, and I can’t forget, my own {relative} mastery of driving here, which includes proficiency with a manual {stick-shift} car and just understanding all of the new signs and rules here…the process has been harrowing, ludicrous, CRAZY FUN so far!

When I was thinking of the best way to organize my thoughts to process my inward journey amidst all of this change, I settled on some ‘golden threads’ that will be feeding and sustaining we as I navigate life overseas.  These I want to share in a series with you, one or two at a time. It is my deepest prayer that in the sharing we would all deepen in the ‘knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.’

Here goes ::

Uprooting shows false identities for what they truly are.  {Dwell} secure is my word for this year.  As I was sharing this with my mentor here, I prefaced it with how I came to pick this phrase by saying, “{in} moving overseas, I knew my identity would be rocked and shaken” so dwelling secure as my Abba Father intends for me is the only way to get through this and bring glory to God.”

If nearly three months are any indication, this laying bare of all that is a part of my false identity is an inevitable reality of this great big transition here.  There is no need to wonder IF all that I cling to other than Christ in God {Colossians 3:1} will be revealed, it’s only to know HOW and WHEN.  New relationships, new roles in home and ministry, a new language and culture, a new way of driving/roads, new stores and packages for food, a new environment {city vs. suburb} all make me feel quite often like a frightened little child.

The tears and brokenness that come from trusting in my own competence in any.thing. have been constant companions.  This reality made known through moving overseas shows me just how deeply I live in false security in a life that is {relatively} comfortable.  I must die to each sense of self-worth based on my own ability to do well, RIGHT NOW. 

How can I feel competent when I don’t even know what I’m reading on a label or how to ask the right question?  I am that lost little child who has so much to learn and I am absolutely dependent upon others in a practical sense, and ultimately upon the One who is Present in all things.

While I am determined to learn everything I can and become a competent adult able to function well in this new world, this CANNOT BE my singular goal and vision.  I will miss this golden thread of opportunity to daily, moment by moment, die to the false identity.  I’ll miss coming with a raw, child-like heart to this God whose heart is overwhelmingly moved to compassion for one like me, right now, in the uprooting, in the new that undoes the old, the weak that undoes the strong, and the soft and pliable that undoes the hard and proud.

And so the lens is beginning to focus and the great gift of this journey is being revealed one golden thread at a time.  How can I be afraid when I see it is all to lead me deeper into the boundless love, the matchless grace, the overwhelming pursuit of one like me by One So Beautiful as He?

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