Monday, March 12, 2012

dear refuge of my weary…everything

{photo source}

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

~Matthew 11: 28-30

I am sure that this new pregnancy has me emotional, but I could not ignore the tears.

I was talking on the phone with my beloved twin sister as she was unpacking things in her new house.  We were talking about her having to say goodbye to her old house and something inside of me snapped {a little}.  I know that I am so happy for her and her family as they are ending a long transition process between one house and another.  Truly so happy for her and I can’t wait to be with them in their new house even as I know that I will miss the old one in which we shared many visits, memories, joys…life. How can we not miss the places of our lives?

But the tears were not empathetic. Instead, they came from the hurt and weary tucked inside of me.  I miss having a home.  While I have learned so much about what Home really is as this was my treasured word of last year, I still miss a physical home.  I miss inviting people into my home and using my dishes and sleeping in my bed {we are closing in on a year since that has happened;}  I miss a predictable routine.  And I miss a lot more too.  In those tears today, I ached not being able to remember the last time I felt like I had a home or a feeling of being settled in a physical place.

And this is the weary everything that is good to see, acknowledge, even embrace as I pour out this heart to the God who will never turn away.  He only asks that I cry out to Him and not retreat within a world of self-pity where I become the victim.  And in that crying out I press more deeply into Him and the buried wounds are touched and I move forward on the path to healing. to redemption. to a resilient and true strength to face what yet lies ahead.

 

This hymn is one that brought tears to my beloved husband’s eyes not long ago.  It seems that walking a faith journey together only shows us each our enveloping weariness and with that deep awareness draws us ever closer to Him who is our Life and shows us our life in one another.  So we recommend faith journeys with those that you love;}

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