Friday, November 30, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Wonder

IMG_0923

I hold you close and tight against my heart, my soul.

My new, brave little wonder.

Your journey in coming into the world began on the other side of the ocean.

And ended in a new land, new home, on this side of the ocean.

And we choose the brave thing, this bringing you into the midst of all that’s yet to be of our new lives here.  And come with your own courage, ready to embrace this new world as the only you will know in your young little life.

And as I think of the wonder of your fragile yet strong.  Your new yet old soul come to us, I think of the Babe of Bethlehem.  Indeed, you lead me closer to him as your coming is on the eve of Advent.

Advent.  Emmanuel.  God with us.  Wonder of wonders to never lose it’s luster!

God who takes on skin, the humble human form and consents to be a babe so weak and helpless and dependent upon his parents in all things…so you are here, dependent on us.

And you this baby who grew in our hearts before you did in me, you bring us nigh to the deepest yearning of our hearts for this God-man come as wee one to make his home forever in us.  God with us, in us, living His love, light and life through us.

Oh how I ache to take you ever deeper into my heart and see our love only grow my little Samuel.  And oh, how infinitely greater this leads me to the eternal ache to cuddle ever closer to Emmanuel, the babe who poked his wondrous head into the world to change it and us forever and ever and ever…

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, November 23, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Thank You

IMG_0959

Thank You {for} ::

 

~ The sun that rises bright and full

sprinkling new mornings with mercy

both literally and figuratively the latter

always true.

~ The chance to live and laugh and love

and journey with a family you have made.

~ talking to ones far away and to know what

will always bind us together, no matter time or space.

~ forming our own home and center it on You

to have three beautiful children to love

and show Your heart to.

~ For all that will be, our tomorrows,

to be held in Your Hands.

~ For our todays, allowing you to shape

them moment by moment.

~ For meals my whole life through…in the lean,

lean years, never going hungry.

~ for the roots of faith so intricately woven

through my days, for memories that span

and rest upon the bended knees, bowed head and

clasped hands.

~ for all of the missing and the soul loneliness that

comes with this BIG move…

~ for how you are charting this new course and I

can trust YOU with everything.

~ for the faith I need to live well and all

that you have given that challenges comfort.

~ for the heart to offer daily back to you as I trust

You to give that love to overflowing when my own

so quickly fails.

~ for faltering steps and quivering lips and child-like

faith that rests in Your infinitely capable hands.

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, November 16, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Stay

2Stay…

for a while

linger in the love

my precious son.

we bask together

in the goodness of God

all that has been in my life and all

that’s just begun with…you.

and you, your oh-so-new life

full of all the goodness yet to

come.

who am I to stay with you?5

to be entrusted with the

sacred joy of being your mama?

So much love the world

around and I have you

to pour it upon.

Beloved in the Abba Father’s

eyes…

I look at you and my gaze

is stayed

4upon a God who marvels.

I breathe in thanks and

breathe out prayers

for all that I don’t know

and for the heart

to trust all of your

tomorrows to Him. and

so then I may stay

stay and behold

stay and love

stay and enjoy

stay and embrace7

stay and hold you oh-so-close

stay and kiss you tiny yet full

stay and look into the

depths of blue

to meet you and have

you meet me as

we increase this bond

begun some nine months

ago.

You in me formed

perfectly, knit together

fully and all the love

coming face-to-face

3on Sweet Wednesday

in a new home 

a home away from all I’ve

known and yet in you

in the love of a Mama

I am Home in Him.

Home to stay, to love

to pour of myself

a life offering to the

goodness and grace of God

for His indescribable gift.

 

 

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, November 2, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Roots

13 (1 of 1)

and these roots have a strange and marvelous way of finding us as we wind our way through our days, through this life, this world, on our way home.

I love the image of roots…it has meant more to me than ever these 10+ years since my Mama’s homegoing.  There are the remnants, the roots transplanted in my own soul, of all of the gifts she gave while I had her with me.  These nourishing, feeding, reminding-me-how-to-live ways are never far from my consciousness.

And the ways that the roots continue to expose all that ever matters, all that ever really did matter is a wondrous thing.

The finding is so often not a stepping out into unknown worlds though that has certainly marked my own journey but it is rather the plunging deeper into those fearfully and wonderfully made ways we are all given.

Not ways that keep the roots, the journey and all that it’s given us, to ourselves.  As though it is some internal epiphany relegated to the self-absorbed…

No.  It is something far more.  Right now I sit and wait and work and wait and try not to fret and wait as I will any-day-now welcome a new life through my own…And the roots they mean everything to the nurturing of this new life.  They mean everything for the strength in the journey ahead and they hold the wellspring of joy of mama’s dearly loved their journey complete and their roots sealed unto eternity. 

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 7}

more beauty...clouds&sunsets 001

It is true to say that I’m learning about the things that I would never choose for myself.

Oh how my heart, my identity, my sense of self-assurance craves comfort.  I want {right now} a life that exudes confidence.  I want a life with friends already made right here.  I want a life where what is convenient is readily available. I want. I want. Oh, how I want…

But this is only one side of the story.  Long ago and in the re-commitment needed to walk ahead I continue to choose to lay down what I want on the surface of things and what the fleshy front of my heart craves insatiably.

It is true.  I staked my claim long ago to invest in eternal things at the sacrifice of comfort, convenience or an easy life.  But the reality is that that is never intended to be a once-in-time event.

No, the way of the Master who guides this journey, my journey, reaches far deeper and extends far more intricately into the stuff, the marrow, the life-giving blood pumping breath needed to sustain me.

And I am learning that there is only one place that will take me further.  It is a place of humility and surrender.  It is a place of continually realizing all I cannot do in my own strength.  It is an embracing and never-letting-go of this next thread ::

It is only in a journey that brings me face-to-face with my weakness that I can truly become strong.

On Sunday, our pastor opened up a dear and true passage with a dear and true truth.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 But he said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me...

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

He spoke of this being the pinnacle of this entire letter to the Corinthians.  And I would say, too, that it is the pinnacle of this journey in moving overseas, in learning a whole new life, in rendering as my own the calling of stranger and alien in this world.

I cannot hope to serve Him in this life if I am unwilling to face my utter weakness. 

Some things are circumstantial...like having a baby a mere six months after moving overseas.

Some things are personality…like never having been the daring kind, the one to ‘just do it’ but having that oh-so-often, oh-so-timid heart.

Some things are are part and parcel of the missionary call…like being the odd ball, the newcomer, the stranger in a foreign land.

But no matter the origin, all of this means that I can not take very many steps ahead without slamming into that wall of my own weakness.  There is not the comfort of success in new endeavors, at least not yet.  All that seems to loom most days is the overwhelming reality of all yet to be learned, tackled, surmounted.

I have ranted and raved and questioned only to land squarely back on the truth that I have been called.  It does not matter that I am fairly certain there are MANY others who could do this life better.  It doesn’t matter that on the standards of this world, the failures have likely been many in a few months time.  And it doesn’t matter that most of the time I think I am quite useless.  It doesn’t matter in the sense that I should doubt my, our, calling.  Rather it is an affirmation of the hand of an All-Wise Loving Heavenly Father guiding each step of my life.

He knows the thoughts that would defeat and meets me in them if I but keep a heart open to Him.  He knows I am weary and it is hard.  He lavishes compassion and assurance even as He reminds that this is the only way to become strong.  This is the only way to exude the power of Christ.

He has never been the One who calls the strong…the most obvious choice.  Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Rahab, Ruth, David, Mary, Peter and so many more remind me of His ways.  The Bible bears the story of the broken who were called to a life far outside of comfort where their weakness was that ever pressing mountain to climb.  The broken, the weary, yet the faithful who in their myriad failures turned to the Only One who could truly meet them.  truly heal.  truly make their lives something beautiful.

He knows, friends, He knows.  He sees.  He cares.  And all that makes you weak bears a surpassing greatness that far outweighs your weakness.  Don’t lose heart.  Don’t give up.  And know, with me, the glorious company that you keep.  It spans time and this valley of tears with Heaven and our heart’s desire as that indestructible Forever Prize.

playdateswithGod

SoliDeoGloria

UseitonMonday


Share/Bookmark

Friday, October 19, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Look

Go ::

it’s a great big city that has become my home.

and I’m about ready to have a baby, so, I haven’t been venturing out into that great big city too much…

but, on days like today when I do go around downtown, I am struck again

with the sheer reality of so many lives in such close proximity to mine.

And I wonder, what are their stories?  where is the silent pain that eats them as

they go through the motions of life, afraid to really be present and live.

and in the impersonal avoidance of looks on the subway or tram or bus,

I wonder at the radical act that a smile is.

I am reminded again of the barriers and walls that our little ones

break down simply when they smile at a stranger and the smile they receive back

is well, priceless.

And it’s overwhelming to think of being called to a place with so many lives and so much need and me, I’m so frail and trying to keep what’s mine and nest because that’s what full-term pregnant women do.

But deep inside and bubbling in fountains of full and true emotion there are prayers of utter brokenness, prayers cried out in humility and overwhelming sense of need for the opportunities, the heart, the life that

can somehow have an impact in this vast sea...

Stop.

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, October 12, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Race

77782_10151275115009747_1321082036_o

Go ::

And it’s a new day and the mercies that grace glide right off of a heart and mind that races and a 36 week pregnant body that knows that there is no physical race she can run right now.

And the race is real and the race has a vortex that pulls and calls for perfection.  And the voice is real and yet the circumstances render perfection impossible.

And the kids they want to just play at home but it’s time for school and there’s enough squatting and tying shoes and trying to breath {literally} and everything that can go wrong does…son has a poopy accident AFTER we’re in the car and daughter is just wanting the space to live and laugh and not be rushed and mommy bends down and fails to breathe in any way as she changes the poo in the apartment garage.

And then we race to school and the kids they remind me in the traffic to laugh and live in joy and that I have every chance to make their day with my own smile and joy and I know that it is against the human race to choose joy…

But joy I must, joy I am made for…Joy or rather ‘Source of Joy’ is my name given not as a mistake but as a promise of the life I’m meant to live.

And all of my might wants the race…the race that is long and hard and yet the one that sees the little things and loves in the grind and triumphs when the odds are against and looks to Heaven and the author and finisher of the only Race that matters who sets aside everything that would hold him back and for joy, eternal joy and Heaven’s prize takes the crown and reigns in love and redemption and leads me, leads us, all of the fighters for and towards what will matter forever and this is the race that digs deep and reminds what we’re made of and must find what we’re made of and wouldn’t change the course for all of the perfection in the world.

Stop

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, October 5, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Welcome

17 (9 of 10)

Go::

Welcome is home and heart and hands.

Welcome is messy and marvelous.

Welcome never lets go or give up but is always seeking like the One she follows who came to ‘seek and save the lost’.

Welcome is unconditional yet intentional.

Welcome is full-hearted and holds nothing back.

Welcome removes self-interest and agenda.

Welcome transforms.

Welcome is the empathy with the stranger, the alien, the tired, bruised and broken.

Welcome challenges me to the core…I write about it and I am humbled at each thought.

I know that there is no half way to the Welcome that glorifies Him because there has been no half-way or part way but the infinite and complete way of laying down all that it is to be God to Welcome us.

Welcome touches Heaven and speaks of things to come…the glorious Feast of the Lamb…the great Forever Wedding where all the weary and worn and torn and taken and desperate and dear of His heart will dance.

Welcome is always an invitation first to the welcom~er to be enfolded in the loving arms that will never let go who loves intimately and intricately and initiated before time began.

Welcome brings us Home as much as it draws the fellow weary and wounded along the way.

Stop

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 6}

A Time for Everything

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

As much as this is a golden thread, it is, I pray, as woven with all of the other golden threads, a golden perspective.

Though it is a lonely and a longing peace, I can say I do have this peace in these days as I cling to this truth, this sixth golden thread ::

It ALL takes time AND DON’T FORGET the Time that really matters.

Practically, this means, everything takes longer when moving overseas. This is because I am adjusting to a new culture, a new paradigm and way of life. And I am definitely navigating that in an open-ended way, unsure when each piece of my life will assume a ‘new normal’. 

There are specific things that take longer here, in this part of the world, my new home

Like cooking'…just about everything.  For example, when making chocolate chip cookies I have to allow that extra time to chop up the chocolate because I can’t get chocolate chips here.  Sometimes I might have some stashed in the freezer that have come over in a care package {hint, hint;}, but still, I use those sparingly.

Then, there’s something like laundry.  First, washing machines just take longer to work.  I can run a fairly good cycle in about one hour, which is better than most European machines.  But, the best cycle is about 1.5 hours.  Then, when the wash is done, as much as is possible, it is usually hung out to dry on drying racks.  This is something I actually am thankful I can do and am glad that much of the year it is my best option.  Clothes last longer and for me, I think of my Mama whenever I’m hanging clothes out, because as much as she could, this is what she did.  BUT, all of this means more time to wash and dry and usually some kind of laundry needs to be done daily to keep up with it.  And, I haven’t even added a newborn with his loads of laundry, yetWinking smile

But even as I write this, there is some perspective that I want to make clear.  I live in a major metropolitan city and have access to far more ingredients for cooking just about anything I want, even if it’s from scratch.  I suffer from little lacks like Pillsbury crescent rolls for those oh-so-many quick & good recipes.  BUT, I am STILL able to access many times more than MANY parts of the world can and MUCH MORE than so many missionaries could here 20 or 30 years ago.

However, the area that is the hardest is relationships.  I could lament for hours, if I let myself, over the countless ‘goodbyes’ and leaving of dear friendships that have been built over my life.  Each is a gift and forever will be, but, I am separated from all of these by thousands of miles.  And, more, I am called to live HERE.  This means new relationships in a new culture amidst juggling all of the regular stuff that takes more time.  Oh, and then there is the baby.

This sweet son who will make his entrance into the world in a month or so, grew in my heart before he grew in me.  I am so thankful and blessed to be walking through my third healthy pregnancy and shame on me if I take that for granted ONE. SECOND.  It is pure gift.

On the other hand, if I can even call it that, the timing of having him now is delaying a lot of adjusting for me and a lot of relationship building.  So, what do I do with that?

I cry.  Not really, but sort of, deep inside and I lay it all before the One who knows and who is the Blessed Controller of my life.  His timing is perfect and He is working from the only Time that matters…Eternity.

I can always find joy in Him, in nurturing my marriage and the two children outside of me and the one inside a little longer.   And I can learn patience as one of the deepest and hardest fought lessons is all the more woven into my life through this overseas adjustment.

And so there is struggle but more, there is peace as I watch Him do His work in gently weaving and creating that beautiful tapestry in His impeccable timing.  He knows the end from the beginning and I can trust Him for all I do not yet see or must wait to see.

Where, oh where, would I be without that??

playdateswithGod

SoliDeoGloria

UseitonMonday


Share/Bookmark

Friday, September 28, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Grasp

 

27 (2 of 2)

Go ::

Such a polarizing word…this grasp.

I find in the insecure and anxious I grasp with all of the fear of losing all that I have and of never being able to get it back, so I grasp in a full lack of faith.

I grasp for the proverbial straws of self-worth amidst the chaotic movements of people all over the world…women I know and love to which I compare myself.

I find myself grasping for the strength from some empty depleted internal barrel of pulling myself through this humanly impossible journey…

I find myself grasping for something to name my own significance in the midst of all that’s showing I have no consequence in a world where I am incompetent…

BUT there is a turning to the same that is the saving faith of Tozer…that gazing upon a saving God a soul that yearns and clings and yes, this grasping is an internal magnetic pull

I grasp the life-blood of a Saviour as He pours it out over and above and behind and before and upon and in so that it would ooze into the inmost places.

And in this grasping there is the fervent fight of the orphan who is clinging to all that makes her whole and in a desperation grasping the hands and heart of the Only One who can save.

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Friday, September 21, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Wide

JJ & Susie's Birthdays 070

Go ::

Someday, maybe, I’ll write a children’s book and it will be based on this I started to say to my son when he was pudgy and squishy and my heart couldn’t contain the love…it still can’t and never will…

I love you high as the sky

I love you deep as the sea

I love you WIDE as the ocean

And I love you long as the world is round…

I love you all of these.

And there is a wide~ness a vastness that we tap into as our hearts expand as mama’s and papa’s.  New sweet lives that change ours forever.  We commit to weather every storm…no matter what comes and fight with all we are for the lives entrusted to us.

But that wide~ness is the treasure of the heart of God.  In being given this awesome privilege to love our children, we learn in ways that we would not otherwise, what is the heart of God.  We become more like He who carries our sorrows and shares our griefs who tends His flock as a shepherd and gathers the lambs in His arms and gently leads those who have young.

And we learn that it is an overwhelming beyond description love that is claimed for us and one that no matter how much we see our own hearts grow into likeness as we love our children, it is still but this tiniest taste of the height, breadth, depth and length of the love of God

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 5}

19 (2 of 2)

Do you ever find that the same message is coming to you over and over again from just about everywhere you turn?

I certainly do.  Knowing that there is a God who orchestrates the affairs of our lives to place us exactly where we are in.every.way. in order to commune with us and transform us into His glorious nature is a mesmerizing, life-altering truth.

This golden thread is as much about the journey that we take as it is the truth itself.

A thankful heart {truly is} a happy heart.  And a happy heart is a contented, peaceful heart.

And that thankfulness is all about perspective.  And perspective takes work.  Mental work.  It comes through taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ and through dwelling on the good and lovely and praiseworthy and the constant renewal of our minds.

And the beauty, the true beauty, of the journey to this perspective is that it ONLY comes through the strength and power of a vital relationship with God.

If it was ‘easy’ to be thankful, or to always see the positive, where would we need God?  Every other religion offers this man-made peace and happiness but without Jesus, so what is the difference for us?

The difference is that our happiness is not an end in itself but it is a means of our lives lifting up the One who will be praised for all eternity.  It is also a journey and one that can only come from true humility and a depth of understanding of our own weakness. 

This kind of thankfulness, of dwelling on the good and being at peace with our lives is so much more than positive thinking.  Its limits are boundless.  We receive the indwelling presence of Christ who leads the way through anything that comes.  We receive in faith the truth of His conquering, victorious, resurrection power. 

It is too amazing for us to comprehend the depths of love and submission to the will of God that were necessary for our Savior to leave His heavenly dwelling and come to live among us and drink the cup of punishment that sent Him to the depths of Hell.  But it is enough for us to be awed and to worship and to claim the reality of His consummately full and eternal victory, not partial or temporary, but forever Redemption.

And when our lives are set on the backdrop of a perspective that trusts a good God who knows the end from the beginning, there is no potential for the dark plans of the Enemy to win in our lives.  His schemes are rooted in the perspective of here and now and all that is dead, fallen and decaying.  And when we embrace thoughts that say that the bad is winning or this negative circumstance has final and forever say, then we shut out the presence of God. 

I stumble and fall and lose this perspective so much!  But I praise God that His truth is powerful.  It is much of the battle to know the truth that is deeper.  To stake our hearts here and know well the retreat from the oft overwhelming here-and-now into eternal perspective that is a radical and victorious way of fighting for a thankful, peaceful and content heart.

As I see this golden thread woven into my own journey, I not only commune with the living God, but with those precious people in my life who are now Home forever.  Like my Mama and her Mama, my Mor Mor, whose clear countenances in that great cloud of witnesses cheer me onward to Heaven where the blessed and peaceful life I taste in dimly reflected form here will brighten into the full blown colors of Eternity.

playdateswithGod

SoliDeoGloria

UseitonMonday


Share/Bookmark

Friday, September 7, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Graceful

20101207--0094

Oh LORD let this my prayer be::

Graceful as I rise to live for thee

Graceful as I walk in days unknown

Graceful in the moments that count

Graceful in the quiet full

Graceful when the harsh doubts probe

Graceful even when it costs

Graceful because for You it cost…everything

Graceful in the midday prayer

Graceful as I lift little souls out of my care

Graceful in the breeze’s rest

Graceful to lift hands in praise

Graceful filled to overflowing be

Graceful all given whole-heartedly to thee

Graceful in the little things

Graceful in the relationship that matters most

Graceful with him who showers the pattern of Your Grace

Graceful in a way that transforms

Graceful in a touch that heals

Graceful when all demands just reward

Graceful to receive the infinite unmerited

And so, Graceful to give infinitely unmerited

Graceful as a song of heart of hearts

Graceful truly for this is what pleases Thee

Graceful always and forever

Gracefully increasing in communion with the King of

Graceful, infinitely, and You will ever  be.

5-minute-friday-1


Share/Bookmark

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 4}

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the  more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~ II Corinthians 12:9-10

This is certainly not a new truth, but one that is being revived in my heart and this new life to which we have been called.

I have affirmed again just how weak I am.  The brokenness which yields faith that gives eyes to see the Grace that passionately pursues is then able to embrace weakness.  Why? Because here is an opportunity to bring Glory to the Only One Worthy.  As the knowledge of my weakness leads me to call out to He who is ALL that is Strong, I then am able to prove my faith.  This is Who He says He is :: My Strength.  My Life.  My Song.

And He who is faithful will never, ever, EVER abandon the cry of the weak.  Rather, He delights in my weakness, knowing that it leads me to Him.

Probably the darkest part of this journey since we moved overseas, is the presence of those nagging lies.  At the core there is a thousand ways known that terrifying fear that I am going to sink this ship and ruin my husband’s calling and the great opportunities in store for my kids in a life overseas.

And no affirmation from any person can defeat that lie.  No amount of self-talk can climb out of a pit where that darkness mires.  There is only one way out and it is always, always, always the better part ::

The gaze of my soul upon a saving God.

The eyes of my Beloved Savior saying,

“Dear One, this is why I have come.  Bring to me your tired and weary and weak, your oh-so-weak.  They are jewels waiting to be harvested in the Great Mystery of the Father and I coming to make our Home in YOU.  Through the power of My Love, My Own Dear Self being made your very own, you shine like a star in the Heavens.  The conduit of the light that changes you and lifts me up before a watching world, is the fabric of your frailty.”

And there is victory here alone.  And I have known defeat enough to taste the sweetness of this victory.  And I shout a cry of joy from the depths of my soul for the calling to a life where the stepping out is the only way.  And, most, I thank Him for all of my weakness and the Much Afraid that does not conquer new things easily.  For it is His way of making my life a song where He.is.All.the.Glory.

playdateswithGod

SoliDeoGloria

UseitonMonday


Share/Bookmark

Friday, August 31, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Change

14 (1 of 1)

Hmmm…do I know anything about this topic?

On the outside yes, it’s all been change.  Lives in fluid motion transitioning to this and the next and always it seems like the big things.  Kids are so little and yet their young lives have been defined by change.  When I have a cat nap and wake up disoriented, not knowing where I am {I mean which country sometimes…} I am overwhelmed by these molding contours of change.

And yet sometimes I think that I don’t know a thing about change.

I see the same fears rise the anxieties I’ve battled a million times and I think, am I still here?  Did I go through all of this external change only to stay right where I am?  How is it so hard for me to trust when I’ve seen a good and faithful God provide and care for every step of the way?

And all I can do is sigh and wail that inward cry.  The one that the orphan screams in the cold, dark, night feeling abandoned by all.  I shiver as though I am on the water’s edge overwhelmed by that wind off that swiftly moving stream.  And I am holding onto a strength that will fail me every time.

So I pray the prayer of the desperate heart who does NOT want to have ‘the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry Abba Father’.

And I always want this change…the deep full abiding into the one I am created to be.  Abba-loved, embraced, secure…oh how I long to {dwell} secure this year, this season, this life…all of the raw, the weary, the hardened, the frightened, the child lost…when Home is just an open door away with a warm fire and all of the LOVE that will change, transform, me from ‘one degree of Glory to another’…

Sharing this a-little-more-than-5-minute post with a song that I found last year and love…

 

5-minute-friday-1

faith filled friday


Share/Bookmark

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 3}

Speakout and Kelsey, city, etc 050

There’s been a gentle breeze, the still quiet voice, that remains full of power to uproot the mountains of my heart and life.

And I am learning to embrace a Love that casts out fear, defined by grace, that is wooing me ever into the enfolding, assuring, never-changing embrace of the Abba Father.

Like a beacon of light against the raging seas of failure and inadequacy and the raw emotions of a life stripped and broken, I cling to the next golden thread with all that I have and am, knowing as rock solid truth, this ::

Grace passionately pursues the beloved.

This like the second golden thread came through the amazing teaching that high school and university students receive who commit their lives for a summer at Speakout English Camps here in Hungary.  {see why we recommend this amazing opportunity to anyone that we can??!!}

When my heart grabbed a hold of this thread and it began to drive away the darkness of the inner places, it was sweet water cascading down the folds of my own deepest understanding of need.  Like a light that illumined, well, everything, I came to understand in a deep, abiding, transforming way the nature of this gracious pursuit.

It is true that Grace kisses our faces with the sunshine of God’s love in gentle, affirming ways.  We are able to let go of lists and all of the failures of inadequacy and unproductivity and know, simply, that we are loved.  I love this Grace, and I need this assurance many times each day.

BUT, the passionate pursuit of Grace is one that comes hand-in-hand with the deep, hard things.  It is there when we realize that the clinging nature of our sin is insidious in ways that break our hearts on the face of them.  And, what is transforming me is to know…

The Grace that pursues shows the strength of its passion exactly here, when our awareness of the true wages of sin are at their height.

The Thief who comes to kill and destroy wants us to wallow in the mire of the yuck and slimy, muddy, putrid stuff of our flesh, BUT GRACE is speaking loudest here, saying,

“Come, My Precious Child, and know that I have already been here.  I knew the depth of your sin, and I loved you still.

I was moved to the ultimate sacrifice because of the pain I know it causes your soul, your spirit that I created to have perfect fellowship with Me. 

Accept that I have pursued you to this dark place NEVER to leave you here, but to pour upon your thirsty soul the drink of My Own Unparalleled, Exquisite Grace.

I will pursue you like this always and ever with the singular purpose of supplying your deepest needs for the Love only I can give.  A Love that sees and embraces you as you are and pours in you that which is making you like my own Dear Son…one day it will all be complete. 

Until then, I chase after you to the deepest places where this sin sick world has touched you and caused you to suffer so…

I meet you there to heal with My Grace. My Heart. My Abba Anointing Love.”

playdateswithGod

SoliDeoGloria

UseitonMonday


Share/Bookmark

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Uprooting :: Golden Threads for the Journey {Part 2}



For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in
Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
 ~I Corinthians 1:26-31

I have become convinced of one thing through this journey overseas.

God doesn’t NEED anything…He especially doesn’t NEED ME TO DO ANYTHING. His eternal purposes are not based on my capabilities or performance. Nothing could be further from the truth.

And so the beautiful underside of this is really what’s at the heart of His leading in my/our life calling us to this unique and thrilling adventure with Him. And that beauty is that He has graciously pursued us with a fierceness toward one end :: that we would know Him and in so doing make Him known.

This knowing is a deepening thing that does not hinge upon modules of theological truths {though these are good and right things to pursue}, but on this golden thread ::
Brokenness and Faith are fully intertwined.

If I want to truly know Him, I must walk a broken way. The degree to which I embrace my weakness as the pathway to a faith in who He is is the degree to which I will truly come to know Him.

This knowledge is rich and transforming but it is also messy and not easily acquired. There is no jumping over the walls of my own insufficiency. There is no hiding behind what is comfortable or easy if I truly want to enter and dwell in His heart. Because of all that this world counts as dear, the attainment of success and things tangible in the eyes of others, I can only come to Him through failure and inadequacy.

It’s not the first time that I have clung to this golden thread. The driven, over-achieving perfectionist came to the end of herself 20 years ago. And that end, I am learning, learning, learning is one that never goes away, instead it is woven throughout every meaningful step I walk towards Him, towards Jesus, my Savior, and towards a Home where He is ALL THE GLORY forevermore.

And so I am thankful. I am thankful for the hysterics in the car when I yell at, er, to my husband ‘I CAN’T DO IT!!!’ Meaning learning how to drive a stick shift well AND here, in this new place. I am thankful for the dizzy mind fog in the gigantic grocery store when my brain is clearly telling me I’ve had enough, for the sweat pouring in the furious grocery bagging in this bagger-less place;) I am thankful for the craziness of indefinite and definite verb endings {which have nothing to do with tense, btw} that are just ONE of the confounding intricacies of the Hungarian language…

And why am I thankful for all of these and more??

Because in them I am broken. In them I pray for strength and put my faith, not in myself, but in the God who is drawing me to Himself through His higher ways that look to forever and perfect relationship and wean me from the fierce independence that is the fuel of this world.

So this is the stuff of a life where I need…I need Him and others. This is the life that my heart of hearts cries out for and so I grasp this silken golden thread of a faith-filled brokenness and I purpose to never let go…

Linking with Laura, Jen & Michelle :) 

Share/Bookmark

Friday, August 10, 2012

Five Minute Friday :: Connect…

The Buda Castle by night walking along the Danube river.  Can you believe I walked this way just a few nights ago with my pregnant belly and a sweet young friend by my side? And a few days before I walked this way with my hubby as we talked of life and love and this great adventure?

Come any time and we’ll walk and have a heart to heart during a city night.Smile

 

Go:

In this season where the in-between continues its ebbs and flows, I am so thankful to know in the stuff and guts of me the true Connection of all that will last…forever.

I think of the family that I’ve left behind, of the hurts and heartaches that are touching them in these days and I know that there is little I can do.  I cannot be there.  I cannot ‘fix’ it, though, I never could even if I were right there.  Somehow, the impossibilities brought on by the thousands of miles of our separation, now, bring into view the only One

who can

heal

and change

and bind up the wounds

and touch the secret places

and in some

amazing

mystical way

connect our hearts

not for now in the

ways we often think

but for eternity.

I am learning to trust a Spirit who searches hearts knowing them, knowing the heart of God.  He it is he who breaths life in the spaces of emptiness and loneliness and fear and all of the limitations of frail humanity.

It is He who connects the fibers of our souls, brings our own wholeness and that connection that is beyond the words and the distance that limit the time and space of this world.

And it is He who is at work in a billion intricacies and who I can trust to bring together all of the loose pieces into something only the eyes of Heaven can behold.

Stop.

5-minute-friday-1

faith filled friday


Share/Bookmark

Follow by Email

Share this