Monday, December 26, 2011

Thoughts on Home :: Anchoring the Unknown {part 3~the future}

more beauty...clouds&sunsets 040If I had written this post a week ago it would have held more certainty and the coming together of this journey with Home in 2011.

But, today, right here, right now, there’s more of the unknown that is hanging around this heart and soul and its mirrored right through a thousand parts of me.

There’s the unknown of the place, I mean that physical space, that I will call ‘home’ a year from now.  We’ve been praying for a while for the right place to make our new home when we move overseas.  I’ve prayed for a place that we can stay for a while {I mean, please, at least 2 years, but hopefully 10!} mostly for the sake of my dear little ones who want to take that deep breath with us.  Could they have a string of Christmases in the same physical place? 

But I do not know how that prayer will be answered.

I’ve prayed for all of the relationships that will enter our lives.  For the teachers, classmates, language tutors, flower, fruit & vegetable stand owners, neighbors, friends and well, many more that dot a city. And while we have some amazing friends already there, there are so many empty spaces yet to be filled. 

And there’s the unknown that is cutting through me most deeply.  How will those we leave behindmore beauty...clouds&sunsets 050 be a year and more from now?  There are many things that encourage and there are the things that have just surfaced in the last few days that have broken this heart of mine to a degree that I cannot remember since the death of my mom.  In some ways, even more so…

And I do not know what journey those I deeply love will face.  And though my heart be with them and the prayers I pray be given for them, I will be so limited an ocean away.  And this is the unknown that threatens to undermine every truth embraced about Home.

I would have scripted a coming together of some very big pieces in my family that would send me off graced with a great peace.  But, that is not what He who holds it all has chosen to give.

And as I think about this journey Home that has defined this year, I can only surrender what aches.  The shouting reality of the exiles we are is what meets me today.  The pain of displacement, disunity, depravity touching us all has struck a chord so deep within and all I can do is let go of my understanding, controlling, fixing…

The Home that anchors my future is made of promises.  As I seek to teach my son, I know a promise is something that is yet to be, but it is special because we trust in the One who promises.

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And so I round out this series on Home in the place my God has designed for me.  The pain that is shooting through allows all that questions to rise right up and, as with anything that is true, defines itself as the light piercing the dark.

Emmanuel.  God with us.  He sees the tears that bear the hope of a Savior and so I’m drawn into Him all the more for the pain of exile and the sure promise  Here.  He wraps up all of the angst with the ever-vision of Him as the One who never changes always holding the full promise of Home.  And every place that lies in the shadow of the unknown draws in the full air of Him and feels the tingling strength of this Living Anchor. 

{I’m rounding out 2011 with a weekly series:: Thoughts on Home.  Home was my word for 2011 and the choice was full of irony and searching.  I am sharing that story here along with the priceless lessons I have gained.  Go here to read the introduction to the series and here to read Part 1 ~ the Past and here to read Part 2~the Present}




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