Monday, May 2, 2011

when you are weary and tears are your food


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“Living in dependence on Me is the way to enjoy abundant life.  You are learning to appreciate tough times, because they amplify your awareness of My Presence.  Tasks that you used to dread are becoming rich opportunities to enjoy My closeness.  When you feel tired, you remember that I am your Strength; you take pleasure in leaning on Me.  I am pleased by your tendency to turn to Me more and more frequently, especially when you are alone.”

~Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

When I read these words this morning, I sort of chuckled inside.  I felt incredulous.  Could You really make this my inner reality in these days when I am weary and tears are my food?  Of course He can and so I took them as a type of promise, vision, word over my life with each step I am taking and the mere five weeks that stand between me and a complete uprooting.

The sermon, yesterday, drove home the truth that we are filled to overflowing by the richness of community.  As I sat and listened, I sort of became undone.  What on earth is community for me right now?  Every relationship is being let go as we move forward.  But, that really isn’t true.

The Lord is the dearest and closest of friends—there is no one else to ultimately cling to.

I have a wonderful husband who is going through everything with me and I with him—truly, my best friend in this world.  Our children who just want to be loved and know that we are here for them through each step are sweetly here, with us.

Still, I grieve all that feels like it is detaching from our lives.  And I know that that is good and necessary, but at the time, it doesn’t feel good.  I remember, again, Who it is that I worship:

Man of Sorrows, What a Name?

For the Son of God who came.

Ruined sinners to re-claim.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!”

“He was despised and rejected by men;

   a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;

and as one from whom men hide their faces

   he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our griefs

   and carried our sorrows;

yet we esteemed him stricken,

smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions;

   he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with his stripes we are healed.”

~Isaiah 53:3-5

As I took communion and thought about the pain of exile I am feeling, my eyes were irresistibly drawn to the Savior.  He sees every tear and knows the pain of seeing everyone in His life walk away through rejection, betrayal, denial and then by His own necessary solitary journey to the Cross.  He has gone before all the loneliness and pain of separation I will ever feel and He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me.  EVER AND ALWAYS He remains closer than my next breath.

Use it on Monday

Thank you, Lord of All that is both hard and good…

  • For being here, with me, always, always, always…YOU!
  • For all that you are preparing to do in me as I walk through this season
  • For knowing that in Your Mighty Power I will come through changed
  • For writing this process…a way to walk—thank You for words
  • For again listening to We Had to Celebrate
    • We are not ‘home’ in this world
    • ‘Home’ in any kind of static place is just a myth
    • You are our Home
    • With You, community is wherever Your people are
    • You left Your perfect Home that we might have a Home with You
    • Hallelujah! What a Savior!
  • For friends who responding quickly to my vulnerable cry for help
  • For Your Provision even and especially when we don’t see it
  • For the amazing ways You have been working
    • Zsuzsi from Hungary—incredible story and heart
    • Her prayers and work to open up doors for ministry support here
    • That You will answer those prayers in a way that encourages her
    • Her thanks to us for sacrificing to bring the Good News to her people
    • For meeting Abu, from Lybia, while walking
    • For his so wanting friendship with us…community
    • For a friend I know b/c she works at the grocery store
    • For her opening up about losing her Dad and needing You
    • For how You work and create new opportunities even when the time is short here
  • For these three incredible blessings in my life:
    • a husband…patient, kind, loving—a good listener…THE BEST!
    • a son who opens his heart so readily to others
    • his spontaneous prayer for daddy when he was going to make support calls
    • his ‘job’ –‘to go sleepy’ and that ‘he’s good at his job’
    • baby girl…oh, baby girl
    • for ‘no’s’ and ‘mine’s’ a plenty coming from those adorable lips
    • for LIFE…a picture of LIFE in her
    • for lisping ‘Je-shus’ last night before bed
    • for swinging high
    • for running to greet me—yelling HAPPY
  • For the chance to count again this mercies-anew Monday morning
  • For the BEST ever and always YET TO COME!!!

Of the endless gifts…# 1156-1191



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