As our pastor, who is continuing in a series through Acts that highlights the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, asked the question: “Who has ever burned out ‘serving the Lord’?” My hand shot up without hesitation, though he wasn’t really looking for hands;)
I feel like my life can be divided into two pretty decisive parts.
Part 1: All the ‘Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest’ stuff up until my mid to late twenties that ultimately led me to a big time burn out and positively, through His grace, realizing, the end of myself.
Part 2: Allowing Him to resurrect me and learn that as much as I need breath, I need Him.
Although I still buck against the stark humility of my need, I don’t ever doubt the reality of its truth.
BBO (figure that one out?), I do believe in many ways I gave out of the love I knew God has for me. Yet, there was a striving, a filling in for the Spirit, if you will, that carried burdens and felt the need to fix the other in ways I was never meant to carry. I have prayed back over the times when I see so much of it-all-being-about-me and asked that He redeem those days in the lives of others…I don’t want that season to be wood, hay and stubble that will burn up in the end.
ABO (got it now, right?) I often have to remind myself that I am being led in a journey of my own limitations, one that surrenders what isn’t mine to be responsible for and also believes Him for more than I could ever have if I am fanning my own flame, instead of living the burning heart in, with, through, and for His Spirit that is Light and Life. Forever-and-ever Worship. Triune God: Father, Son and HOLY SPIRIT.
We talked today about all of this in the context of Genuine Community. And ABO me, though still so, so hard, humbles to speak before others, “I need you.” “I am the needy one NOT the I-can-handle-anything-one”. “Can you come help me with my kids so I can pack? I need you.” And the miracle of Community, Jesus-in-our-midst, happens. My love grows for amazing friends who are longing for a chance to help and minister to someone that they love.
And what would happen to that love if, instead of being open with my need, I tried to do it all myself and resented that I HAD to do it all myself?
It would burn out, wouldn’t it?
Just like love for Him without the life, Spirit, of Him.
So, see that ember fan into flame by coming to Him in need, “Jesus, I need you” a thousand times or more a day, and coming to others in need—let them in. Find life in this broken journey together in need. in Life. in Him.
Thank You Lord of All:
- that YOU are my LIFE!
- that YOU are my LIGHT!
- that I don’t have to burn my fingers to get my fire to light—it is Your Holy touch
- that growing in You is needing You more, and more, and more, and more…
- that You instantly answer simple, desperate prayers for more of You!
- that You graciously brought me to Part 2 a lot earlier than it could have been
- that I move overseas very aware of my need of You in. everything.
- for a wonderful sermon this morning that met me right where I am and where I’m going
- for the journey with my life partner
- for his grace when I stubborn buck against my need
- for his patience when I blow it and love him so poorly
- for a chance to work through some of our hard stuff before moving overseas
- for how calm communication does wonders for a marriage
- for a partnership deepening and strengthening daily
- for these sweet kiddos
- for son’s joy that ‘Daddy is HOME!’
- for joy in ‘dinner together as a family.’
- for his excitement to move to “HUNGARY!!!”
- for similar excitement to first go to “Ca-Ca-COL-O-RAD-O!”
- for baby girl too tall
- for baby girl almost 2 going on 14
- for ‘pitty’ dresses and hair clips
- for friends to throw a going away party
- for landlords to offer to arrange cleaning, painting, etc. AMAZING!
- for a company that can store and send our stuff over the ocean
- for wisdom to take breaks
- for beach time with friends
- for getting hair done—birthday present
- for receiving with grace
- for letting go of ideas that aren’t feasible right now
- for how exciting it will be to take these next steps TOWARDS overseas!
- for new partners in ministry springing up all over
- for too many more to count or write out!
- for the BEST, EVER AND ALWAYS FOR ALL OF US, Yet to Come!