Monday, April 4, 2011

why do i ever doubt?

{The winner of last week’s giveaway, the book, “Half the Church”, is my blog friend (and ministry friend) Cherry@Pursuing Heart who I know will read and share it with many…bless you mentor, friend, sister}

It was in downright obstinacy and inner turmoil that I readied myself for this current trip.  Much to the dismay of my husband, I ranted and raved and just…oh dear, you get the point. 

I realize that a huge underlying element of all of this is the emotional stuff going on as we make such a big transition.  All of the reticence I know is there to the changes coming and I just want to…cry.  And I pray and think, ‘Lord, how could this be working together for my good (not to mention my family’s) when I am so clearly living less than Your best in my heart…the only place that really matters?’

I don’t have a very well thought-out answer except that anything that humbles me and rubs away the mystique I may have of being some kind of spiritual giant to be a ‘missionary’, is so very good and lays me bare in my utter need for Him to live this life.

And He does and makes me ‘more than a conqueror through HIM WHO LOVES (ME)’.  He loves me in spite of it all…really doesn’t see the ugly—only His dear Son and gives me a husband with these kind of eyes too.  I am the richest of women.

On top of it all, in the travelling, He gives us a wonderful place to stay where we are loved and able to connect with good friends who love Him. 

And as we walk this journey, He is giving us time to focus as a team on this powerful vision in the specific ministry He is calling us to. We have the opportunity to speak our hearts, His heart, in front of churches and small groups daily.  In so doing, we are filled with a greater love as we see His heart to reach the world multiplied into the lives of the hearers.

So, why do I ever doubt that He has the Best for me, even and especially when I don’t feel it?  He loves to be Strong in my weakness and so, if nothing else today, let me embrace that the deeper the weakness, the greater His strength.

Thank you Lord of love and life and all that is:

  • for Your unending patience with me!
  • for how You impart that through a husband who gives You hands and feet to reach me
  • for Your bigger, more beautiful, picture than I can imagine
  • for how You bless in the travel
  • for how You speak to my heart when I am away from home
  • for the incredible privilege of walking in this transition
  • for the incredible privilege of walking as a team with my husband and kids
  • for the indescribable joy of being able to cast the vision of what You are doing in Hungary
  • for how You keep it fresh in my heart—tears anew and afresh for the ‘harassed and helpless’
  • for enabling me to see what a blessing this journey together can be—the chance to focus on this call
  • for all of the little things
    • kids who win the hearts of all…so, so quickly
    • for how comfortable they are when they stay somewhere new
    • for hearts that open wide and draw others in
    • for family to love and play with
    • for cousins running, hugging, jumping
    • for baby girl’s bond with grandparents—though she’s never lived close to them
    • for son who attaches so quickly to new people
    • for his sense that home is where we are together
    • for ‘wow’ when he saw his new 13 year-old friend yesterday morning (hilarious…totally couldn’t even script that one)
    • for being called ‘famous’ because we’re missionaries (it made me laugh inside:)
  • for this amazing family where we are staying that blesses so
  • for how You walk with them and fill them and they pour it out
  • for unconditional love here
  • for Your constant provision
  • for a blessing of seeing the heart of someone who has blessed our ministry so much (financially)
  • for his pledge to give ‘exceeding immeasurably beyond’ that left us speechless
  • for ALL YOU ARE!!!!
  • for the BEST ever YET TO COME!!!



and also, due to Jen’s urging (thank you friend), I am also letting this post be my contribution to the SDG Sisterhood this week {which means I will *try* to finish up ‘Our Story’ in the next week so that I can share it for next week’s link-up}

Finding Heaven


1 comment:

  1. I have been praying for this trip, Abby. I know it must be trying--preparing your heart and the hearts of your littles. You and Jared are so brave. I just know good things will come from this time. Hugs to you, lady.


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