Wednesday, February 9, 2011

how to live in faith…

bloom book clubChapter 2: A word to live…and die by of Ann’s book One Thousand Gifts begins with a dream, a nightmare that ‘plagiarizes life’, her life.  Cancer has come, taken everything, no hope, it has won, all left to do is say ‘goodbye’.  She jolts awake thankful it is not real and yet the cancer of this ‘in between’ like a zombie, really, is true.  How can she stay awake?  Live.

I am so drawn to this pursuit, how all of her life has led to this point, and the waking dead drive to find the fuller life.

And so we meet the word given to us by the Word himself: eucharisteo

This three-chord braid as she says in the video through parsing this Greek word. (so fun for me, since I studied this language for a year at seminary and loved it! I’ve missed it, thank you Ann)

Here is this ‘triplet of stars, a constellation in the black’:

charis-GRACE

eucharisteo-THANKSGIVING

chara-JOY

and then the re-counting of His thanks, before feeding five thousand, before the joy of enduring the cross, always eucharisteo and Ann begins to whisper a lit phrase of hope, for her, and for us all:

‘eucharisteo always precedes the miracle’

I love how she notes the progression of the grace in each moment and thanks, bread of now broken, leads to JOY.  My name, Abigail, means ‘source of JOY’ or ‘my Father is JOY’ and so I say ‘yes!’ this is what I am meant to live. true joy.

*all quotes and core ideas above from Chapter 2 of One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp 

Here is a bit of a window into the miracle this living eucharisteo is beginning to do in my life:  

florida winter reprised 030Layers.  Layers.  Ripped off out of cold’s affront.  And I see.  I see these roots of darkness.  Of Generations.  They have been pressing hard and the choices, the locusts, that ate the years and I know I need to be healed.

I remember the adolescent girl sitting between parents in a broken down sedan that crammed our family of seven.  I remember her faith that this crisis could be averted.  God did care.  He would make a way.  We needed family to help.  No cell phones.  Dad was calling at a pay phone.  And I prayed and believed that there would be a way to fix this sick car.  This sick family that was nauseous from anxiety that neither parent could get rid of.  That this girl that was me carried many a year to sick tummies and viruses that brought hives down to internal walls of stomach.

Somewhere inside of young faith and a heart that prayed I tested Him.  I believed and He brought help and we made it home. 

But how can this floundering faith stand a sickness that for years reeked havoc on a family that hit rock bottom?  When debt was insurmountable and all dreams shattered and our farm vanished…how do you go on?  When dark clouds of worry and doubt hemmed in on all sides and chronic illness took physical life from a mama broken down…how do you live in faith?

How can faith become the legacy redeemed…given back in this generation where I live the mama?

a florida winter and happy place 071Word by Word of His promises meditated upon, memorized, and the living thanks in all things, all things, as He so clearly provides a way past these strongholds of generations back to the first of our race.  There is provision.  Moment by Moment.  Holding hands open to receive each, to break each in thanks and see that breaking the bread of now also breaks the chains of control that oppress our days with standards, and measures, and expectations fueled by fear and doubt that He is not good or for us or what He gives is not enough…

Yes, Lord, I know Mama cheers with You in Glory, seeing face-to-face.  She cheers that I live it now and waits in that eager expectation for when all is thanks with no possibility for return.  And all is Glory.  Make my life usher in Your Kingdom in my home and in this world You were broken for so it might be made new.

Joining with Erin’s new meme for Thursdays, Mama’s Heart:

Mamas-heart


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