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“ 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”
Romans 8: 31,32 (NIV c2010)
Because I have one of the kindest and warmest hearted fathers imaginable, I have not ever really struggled with grasping a Father God who loves me. My dad is a rich and deep blessing and one that wells my heart up and spills over in unending thanks. Always giving hugs and telling me how much he loves me. I never doubted his deep affection and love for me, his special daughter. This foundation, I believe, vaulted me ahead in journeying this life with my Abba Father.
However, recently, I’ve taken some deep heart looks at my trust issues with God. I’ve realized something IS quite dysfunctional as it relates to how I view the love of God.
I believe in the essence of His love. His heart is warm and affectionate towards me, His daughter. It is genuine and will never die. One day He will bring me Home with Him forever. I imagine in my spirit warm embraces from Him and that He invites me to curl up on His lap as I did so often to the delight of my earthly father.
But, I fail to believe that His is a love that will act on my behalf. I believe this stems from many things. For one, as much as my Dad wanted to fully care for me and our family, he is human and there were choices that would be done differently and circumstances beyond his control that brought many dark years of financial struggle into our home.
My Dad is diligent and an extremely hard worker. Most of his career has been as a farmer either working for others or for himself. His independent farming ventures ended with great loss and disappointment in a time in the industry where you had to go big to survive. We couldn’t and our family closed down our farm (the land was not ours—it was rented) and auctioned off what we could, but it was not nearly enough to pay the outstanding debts.
Despite often sixty or more hours a week of good, faithful work, my father was helpless to dig us out of this crisis financially. My mom had become so sick with various chronic illnesses that she was unable to work. I felt no less love from my father or for him, but that didn’t change what he was helpless to do for our family.
I am certain that there are many more disappointments that accompany this valley of tears that have contributed to my incomplete view of the love of God.
And I am so thankful to now be able to see this root of unbelief so that I can call.it.what.it.is and ask Him to heal me and Show Me His Glorious Love in all of its weight and ways!
As I walk a year of possibly the greatest uncertainty of my adult life and certainly my married life where the stakes are higher and the challenges to trust ones that I need to grow into, I am believing Him to act. It is He who ACTED in Divine Imaginative Love to create all that is and to Re-create through the Redemption.of.All.Things. by the most indescribable action…the Incarnation of His Son who would live and die as an outflow of His Abba Father Love.
Ever since I can remember, I have staked my entire faith on this truth.
So, how can I believe that He would act in this Infinitely beautiful and lengthy way to give the greatest gift, and not act in the stuff of provision and fulfillment of plans to which He has called?
By His Grace, this will be a year that I believe He loves Me not only in essence but, most definitely too, in action.
Thank You Most Precious and Powerful Father God:
-for your patience with me
-for your Holy Spirit within me to journey deeper in this amazing relationship you give Your children
-for your heart of love in all of its essence
-for your heart of love in all of its action
-for your provision that is promised
-for your Perfect ways
-for your kindness that leads to repentance
-for all of the ways You used to bring this new understanding
-for the gift of writing to stake my claim on Your truth
-for all of the hallowed posts since this blog began
-for the witness
-and the worship of You that they each are
-for my earthly Daddy
-for every one of those hugs and kisses (I’m tempted to count their thousands here
-for opening me up to such an intimate place for You to fill
-for knowing He did his best to provide
-for his faith in You even and especially in those dark years
-for his never blaming You for what happened
-for the Jubilee that has come!!!
-for the ‘years that the locusts have eaten’ restored
-for my siblings
-for mama in Heaven with You!…Glories Forever
-for all of the ways we need You to act in this season
-for knowing it has.to.be.You
-for anticipation at how You will do it
-for heavy weight training of our faith
-for no other Glory but Yours!